We thought it was time for an update on growing our family…
Since our miscarriage in February 2021 we have been pursuing what family looks like for our family. This included a lot of praying, more Dr. visits, a lot of praying, a lot of decisions, a lot of praying, grief, a lot of praying and ultimately knowing with full confidence we will pursue growing our family through adoption. We are very excited and God has shown us so many answers to our prayers every step of the way. If you’re not familiar with adoption, we’re sharing our story to inform those who are interested in our journey and hopefully help someone along the way who might be walking in our shoes and trying to determine what’s next.
This is our story. A couple who doesn’t have children and to date aren’t able to have biological children.
Every adoption story is different.
To preface, if you’ve not adopted, or pursued adoption, tread lightly on giving adoption advice and “so and so adopted and then had a baby after” stories. Remember, every couple’s story is their own, and always assuming someone will have a biological child is not the story for every couple – after miscarriage, in adoption, or ever.
Here’s a quick catch up of where we’ve been…
July 2022: Decided no additional fertility treatments and to pursue adoption, beginning with a consulting agency.
August 2022: Signed up with Christian Adoption Consultants to guide us through the process, they have been such a great help, encourager and prayer partner through each step. Had calls with adoptee and a birth mother to gain understanding of their experiences. Spoke with the designer for our profile book. Contacted agencies to do our Home Study.
September 2022: Sent all of our pictures for profile book and completed questionnaire (18 pages when done) of our story that will become our profile book. Decided on Home Study provider and began completing Home Study paperwork.
November 2022: Submitted all home study paperwork and received message to schedule our in person Home Study visit from social worker.
December 2022: Home Study appointment complete. Profile book edit in process. Included “pursuing adoption” on our Christmas card.
January 2023: HOME STUDY APPROVED!! This is a major milestone in adoption; formally by the State of Texas we are approved to adopt children. Waitlisted with our Agency. Final profile book edits complete.
February 2023: Received printed copy of our profile book. Completed Adoptive Parent Orientation training.
March 2023: We’re officially an active waiting family! We are expectant and adoption is imminent for us!!
What’s next? Praying! We’re awaiting the match process, and receiving our placement, the life God will entrust us with as a child into our family.
Questions you might be wondering….
Are you fostering? No. Our non-negotiable is a newborn infant and we are not able to do that through Foster Care as we both work. We are approved Foster Care babysitters though and are able to help out friends who foster. So, we are adopting through private adoption.
What is a Home Study? There’s a lot of misconception about a Home Study. There is a lot of paperwork to complete; tax returns, insurance, home details, pet records, financial information, employment information, marriage certificates, birth certificates, medical/doctor release, fingerprints, background checks, the list goes on, and an extensive written narrative (for each of us) about ourselves including childhood, teenage years, adulthood, how parented, how will discipline, and more. Our Agency was very easy to work with, the process was very simple to follow, it took a bit of time to gather information and write our stories. The Home Study appointment isn’t to determine if you have all your plugs covered with outlet covers or a baby room ready to go – it is simply for the Social Worker to get to know you, to understand your family, and recommend you for adoption. We had a wonderful visit with our social worker and look forward to updates with her once we’ve received a placement.
What is a profile book? The profile book is our story. What will be shown to birth mothers through the match process. It tells about each of us, our story, our marriage, our families, our interests, our home, our community, our goals, our wishes for children, our path to adoption. Our prayer for our story shared via the pages of our profile book is for our story to intersect with the birth mother God has chosen for us and to create a shared story for the child(ren) who will join our family.
What is match process? Ultimately how we are connected to a birth mother to receive placement of a child into our home. When a birth mom has chosen adoption for her unborn child, she provides the Agency her preferences for a family to adopt her child. This can include race, age, location, income, religion, other children, and more. The Agency matches her preferences with prospective family’s preferences and presents her case to the prospective families. Prospective families review the case, including medical history, baby pre-natal care, risks and determine if this is a case they want to be presented for. If yes, the profile book is presented to the birth mother; a birth mother typically sees 3 or 4 family profiles to select the adoptive family she feels is best for her unborn child. Once selected that is “a match”.
How long will it take to get our match? Only God knows. We could receive a case any day to review, and expect we will see several cases (we’ve heard being presented 20+ times) before we are a match. Once we are matched, birth will likely be within 6-8 weeks.
Is adoption expensive? Yes. Private adoption can range from $40,000 – $60,000 in total costs. We are grateful to have great benefits related to adoption. We’ve gone back and forth to share this, but really believe this is a way to understand the many facets of couples considering adding children through adoption. Similar costs are incurred for IVF.
We are grateful for our family, friends and community who have shared in our excitement of the pursuit of adoption and the journey we are on. We are very hopeful and have great anticipation for the future of our family and the story that is being written. By the way, we are boldly praying for twins!
As we look forward, we are not sure what/how much we will share in the match process. If we come to mind, we would love for you to pray for us: know that we are reviewing cases as they come to us, making decisions to be presented or pass, and ultimately awaiting the call that we are matched. Also, please pray for our birth mom and future unborn baby – for both of their health, for baby’s (babies) development, for wise decisions through pregnancy, for wisdom and wise counsel regarding adoption, for our collective hospital birth plan, and for transition to placement and birth mom’s future. Adoption is not a “giving up”, it is a choice for placement and the best opportunity for the baby. There are risks in adoption, and there are times a baby is born, match is in place, and a birth mom changes her mind. We are praying for a successful adoption and trusting God to guide birth mom’s decisions regarding adoption placement.
Oh, and we do not have a baby room and are not setting up a nursery at this time. When we receive our placement and a baby (babies) comes home with us we will determine what we need and go from there. Until then, we won’t know gender(s), size of baby(ies), season born, etc.. Don’t worry – we have lots of offers for lots of things and know the critical items we must get, ie: carseat. Ultimately we are not focused on baby things or baby clothes or baby decor — we are focused on the gift of life we will receive that God has long ago written in our story and the story we will create as a family.
You make known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11
Thank you for sharing in our joy!
With love and expectation,
Angie & Cody