#write31days | October 11th

In my MBA course we spent some time talking about ethics and integrity, ensuring that you are an ethical leader by being both a moral person and a moral manager.  Our Corporate Fellow who lectures alongside our Academic Professor gave a great analogy of applying ethics; when considering the radius around you of people, how do you react to those closest to you and those furthest out in your radius? In the case of business and ethics there should be no difference, your decisions and actions should be the same to one closest as they are to the one farthest in your radius.

This concept of circles and radius applies in so many aspects of our lives, including dating.  

As a S I N G L E person there are so many ways to meet people, sometimes a complete stranger that you cross paths with and sometimes a friend of a friend that you almost feel like you know because of your mutual acquaintance.

In either of those circumstances, what does the radius of their life look like? 

If you don’t know them at all, there aren’t as many expectations attached and you (or I) might be a little more forgiving of actions or things that we see when  they interact with various different groups depending on how close they are to them. Also, known as “red flags”.

If you (or I) are introduced through a mutual friend or acquaintance to a potential date, there tends to be more expectations that come from knowing the person who set you up and what your relationship is like with that person. Their actions in various different circles and people groups cause us to pause a little quicker, perhaps consult with the mutual acquaintance and/or raise and wave the red flag with certainty and perhaps not proceed further.

(Side note: from having been set up several times, it’s always interesting the things you find out in dating relationship that the person who set you up had no idea about!!)

Finally, if you (or I) are friends with someone who develops into dating relationship, we have typically seen them interact in various circles of people, know what their actions are across the radius of people groups and have a good sense of who they are in various scenarios. You’re less likely to see glaring immediate red flags in this case, but if you see one, you know it’s one you can’t ignore.

(Side note: they always say you’re looking for your best friend in a spouse, so developing a solid friendship that naturally becomes a dating relationship is a great foundation. Doesn’t mean it’s going to work, but you know more of what you’re in for in starting out!)

Experts claim you can tell a lot about someone’s character by how they treat a server at a restaurant (way far out on the radius of their circles), their family (families aren’t perfect, but is there respect) and people who work for them (subordinates and their attitude toward them).

I’ve long said I never want to date someone who I have to defend for their actions.  Before you jump to a conclusion, I mean in the context of being rude, degrading or demeaning to someone. None of us are perfect and we all lose our cool occasionally at the airport counter; but for 99.9% of the time, how do they act from those closest to them to a stranger?

Is it consistent? 
If it’s not, it’s worth paying attention to. 
Don’t ignore red flags on character traits. 

They will only be magnified the more serious you are in dating, 
and especially in marriage. 
The same applies for you and for me.
What is the radius of my life?
Is it consistent?

Will it make someone raise a red flag?

If you’re just joining in from #write31days, I’m so glad you’re here!
You can {click here} to read previous posts.

Leave a Comment