#write31days | October 18

If you’ve read here since day one, or in previous years, it’s about this point in October that I start to think I don’t have anything else to write.  But, we are just a little past the half way point and I still have a few things on my list.  So, I’m going to keep writing.

I mentioned in my Book Review post my current read was Love Lives Here by Maria Goff, commonly referred to as Sweet Maria by her husband, Bob.  I read this book in the mornings and it was a sweet reminder of Jesus in the everyday moments of our lives as told by Maria through various stories from her life. In the first few pages she talks about building trust and gaining it through fear in the circumstance she was in.  I highlighted these words:

“Trusting isn’t something we achieve merely by agreeing with someone. It’s earned through shared experiences. It isn’t born out of theoretical needs; it’s realized in the crucible of desperate, actual needs and is only learned in the context of risk and engagement.” 

I don’t know about you, but trust can be really easy in some situations and really hard in others. Sometimes I don’t even make a conscious decision to trust someone and then there is someone else that my flag is raised in hesitation and I really struggle to trust them.  Other times I’m fearful someone will do the very same thing someone before them did, and I don’t even allow a chance to trust them.

Maybe you can relate?

The words that struck me most from above are that trust is learned in the context of risk and engagement.  It’s no secret that I don’t do surface well, I want to really know people and trust them so that I am known.  Because of taking on risk and engaging I have some of the dearest of friendships that are YEARS old, many 20+ years. Also because of taking on risk and engaging I’ve been really burned.  The lines that someone has said or the action done that decidedly broke trust are hard to forget.  Those actions make me put my hands up in defense against risk; which also means I retreat against engagement.  Like vulnerability, we all have to be careful who we are entrusting the inside circle of our lives to. Deciding to enter into risk again is hard.

I think about these same things in my relationship with Jesus through the years…..

Do I trust him that I am not forgotten when I’m told “wait” and “no” again and again in a year after a job layoff.

Do I trust him to mend a broken heart from grief of various forms?

Do I trust him that He has a plan when I’m being attacked for what seems unnecessary purpose?

Do I trust him enough to counter doubt of a good thing working out for me?

All of these things at the time have an unknown future that I can’t see.  I know we think if we knew “how it would all workout” it would really make life easier.  But, I don’t think in reality I’d really want to know what is ahead.  However, I have to daily take the risk of following Jesus and continuing to trust in faith that he’s got me, despite what I can see in my limited view. That one day I can look back and see he was working all things together for my good. Even when I couldn’t see. But, to get through those unknown days I have to engage with Jesus and #doitagain. Being in the word, spending time in prayer submitting my worries, hurts and doubts over to him and seeking wise counsel to navigate when it’s beyond only what I can do.

So this is my prayer:

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

I know confusion, chaos, fear, doubt and all the other emotions that come in times of distrust are opposite of joy and peace. That is likely because I am in conflict of trying to trust someone or something in place of putting my trust in Jesus. When I trust in Jesus, then I will overflow with hope. And, that will keep me going.

It’s worth every bit of risk and engagement.

I trust him. He will never leave me.

I hope in him. He’s got me.

I’ll #doitagain.

If you’re just joining in from #write31days, I’m so glad you’re here!
You can {click here} to find links for all posts in this series.

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